finding satya (truth)

The first yoga pose that ever made me feel something besides a physical sensation was Ustrasana (Camel Pose) in the first week of my teacher training. I had only been doing yoga a total of four months by that point, so my asana was still “beginner” status. The workshop that weekend was about finding your voice and speaking your truth. There are different sounds that coordinate with different chakras (major energetic points along the spine), and when you “sing” those sounds, it vibrates that area. In Ustrasana, a heart opener, the sound was “ahh”. While I could hold the other sounds for well over 10 seconds, this one I could barely get two. It caught in my throat. I felt panicked and overwhelmed, seemingly out of nowhere. I even began to cry. It was my self-criticism and lies that began to escape and let me feel the grief and fear I needed to let them go.

An hour later, I told my dad I am gay–something I vowed to never do. My backbend asanas became so much deeper and felt loving rather than scary.

We often think we are speaking truths but our words are false; sometimes we know it, but think the lies are more comfortable and easy to deal with. Sometimes, our inauthenticity is hidden even from ourselves and it takes an epiphany to realize it. When something becomes so obvious that it is wrong, the light of truth inside us is tormented until the lie dissolves and truth rings. Some chose to stay tormented their whole lives. The torment manifests in feeling stuck, depressed, resentful, or angry. This can then translate into real disease.

I read in a Baron Baptiste book the other day about “shifting your vision.” What isn’t obvious about that advice is a shift in vision requires shift toward a true belief in faith–in something beyond the logic and rationalization of your mind. You come to believe you will be taken care of with love. With faith, speaking a difficult truth is more possible because you know everything will be better than okay when all is said and done.