How to Always Give Up

There is a subtle paradox at play whenever you’re going for a goal: you can’t want it too badly. Wanting it too badly is a manifestation of a whispery little fear that you’re not good enough or fully worth anything until and unless you get that accomplishment. That little fear of not-enough-ness creates this quiet desperation that ends up thwarting you someway, somehow.

So you’ve got to just give up, sis. Give up that you need that thing or outcome or person. Yes, it’s a bit nihilistic at face value, yet it’s the kind of giving up that results from a fully acceptance of self. Cheesy as it may sound, you gotta love you and your life the way it is. That includes your yucky feelings like jealousy, anger, depression, etc. You are human. Those feelings are a part of your experience (note: that doesn’t mean they control you though, mmkay).

You can even give up quitting. Something that wiggles around in the back of my brain like a gross worm is a belief that I can’t quite complete things. That I’m a starter and not a finisher. That I don’t have the capacity to see things through because something is wrong with me. I’m not one of those “Wow can you believe she started from nothing and built an empire?” people. I’m just a lukewarm, overly intellectual artist that’ll have small-to-medium notoriety in this life and nothing else.

Dang, that’s a gross worm to have in my head. With brutal awareness comes change. I accept that I have these self-limiting thoughts. It’s fine. Because now that I can clearly see this little worm, I can laugh at it a bit. Like: ok, worse case scenario, all of that is true. I STILL AM ALIVE AND HAVE A GOOD LIFE. In the small moments: I can enjoy smiling with someone. I can generally feed myself. I can feel the sun’s warmth. Pretty freaking cool. So the fear this worm preaches? It’s actually not that bad. I give up needing to push those feelings down and I give up that I HAVE to change those thoughts or else.

Now I can just exist a bit lighter, because I gave up something trying to tug on me. Onward!