How to Have Power Over Others

Ok, this is my click-bait-y titled post and that’s just fine.

Y’all ever heard of a thing called wu wei? The concept of wu wei is essentially how you’re able to have power over yourself, others, the world.

Wu wei comes from Taoism and roughly translates in English to doing not-doing. It is an insanely deep spiritual practice that is mastered throughout an entire lifetime so if this is your first time attempting the practice of it: better late than never!

I also equate this practice to a Jedi mind trick. When people get the impression that you are in opposition of them, they naturally will oppose you right back. Even if they’re generally good natured or intellectually understand where you’re coming from! Each person has this beautiful thing called free will (or do we? I’m still not sure about this one but I’ve just swallowed that for the sake my sanity, yes we do). Honoring another person’s free will is a wild way to end up “getting what you want”.

I know that usually when we want people to do what we say or stop doing something or just fucking listen, it’s because authentically, we truly think we know what is best and our way will lead to the most happiness/success/harmony. Good for us. We are even probably right. And being right does not lead to power over others.

Sometimes we want so badly to “help” that we manipulate or force power onto others. I am speaking from experience by the way: I know how to sass my way into a reluctant refund or seem too emotionally-whatever to not be the one to apologize first. There may be temporary results from this, but there won’t be a long-lasting resolution. The conflict plays out again and again and again.

So wu wei it! Yes, the practice of wu wei will take the tertiary practices of patience, non-attachment, trust, forgiveness, and love. We shall practice all of that while practicing wu wei. Which, btw, I still haven’t really explained the how to do/not-do. Here are some examples.

If you are in a situation in which the person agreed to the rules of the organization, but then this person chose a path of violation, like an employee not following the rules essentially–you fire them (I mean, after all your company’s policies have played out–all part of the rules). But wait, doesn’t that violate their free will? No, because they still have free will that they will (hopefully) use to avoid causing any harm. You are still allowed to take action on the clear rules of the game and restore violated boundaries. If I fire someone and they choose to leave a poop bag on my front porch or send me a thank you letter to appreciate the time they had–that is their choice. I could type for hours about this whole dynamic because the interplay of individual free will inside of a company/community structure is so interesting, especially the subject of who is responsible for what! That’s another blog post…

Conversely, if you are in a situation where there is no standard agreement and you’re just existing along other messy human beings, not liking how they’re acting–come to an agreement, remove yourself from the situation, or change your attitude/opinions about what they’re doing.

Ego is what stops wu wei from occurring. Ego likes drama. Ego lets emotions take the wheel. You are not your ego. You have it, but you can operate from a Self that includes and transcends ego.

When people get the impression that you want to listen to them, to understand them, to honor their free will, they naturally will want to drop opposition. Wu wei creates flow. Wu wei let’s things start to move creatively like the back-and-forth but dynamic movements of a dance, rather than in only stark, opposite directions.

Have power over others by never wanting power over others. You’ll get a “power” that goes beyond our current definition of power, because it includes more than just your own will.