Look Back

This is my reminder to intentionally look back from time to time to see how far I’ve come.

In my circles, we talk a lot about creating a future and getting present. It seems we don’t often advise anyone to look back at the past. In fact, it often gets advised against, because people can get caught up in a painful memory, holding a grudge, or comparing the present to the past.

Up until now, I have tended to just keep going because honestly, there were some things so painful in my past, I have a knee jerk reaction to run away. If that’s happening, then aren’t I creating a future that’s based out of running away from my past? Unless unexamined, yes, that is a danger. Like holding a clear map, but never looking at it, diving deeper and deeper into the jungle, unaware of where it may lead.

In this context, I feel a sense of adventure looking back, referring to my drawn map like a true explorer, and like there’s a precious stone or treasure I may have missed because I was in a hurry. Looking back is to create value where either value doesn’t seem to exist yet.

Do you know why something has no value and is worthless? It’s because a human didn’t just decide “That’s valuable.” That’s all value is. So you and me, we can create value at any time, any moment. If you haven’t lately, let’s put some value on where we’ve come from and what we’ve experienced.

In this realization, I noticed that in periods of low self-esteem, that’s when I’m too scared to look back and feel an empty, boasting pride that craves validation from others to stay puffed up. Not just that I wanted a “good job,” but it would feel my self-worth depended on the people important to me giving me praise.

I looked where the word esteem comes from, as I was curious what we all really mean when we say “I have low self-esteem.” It’s said that the word dates back to ancient times to *ais-temos “one who cuts copper,” i.e. mints money. It’s no coincidence that almost 10,000 years ago, the first metal humans picked up to arbitrarily decide that it has value was copper.

Life doesn’t just hand us self-esteem, empowerment, the ability to craft meaning and value. It hands us pieces of rock laying around, pieces of experiences thrown our way. it takes us to decide what’s worthy, what to take pride in. We have the power to create value inherently within us; we just forget.

Today, I will take a few moments to turn my powers of creation to my past and choose to appreciate where I started and how I have come so far, with whole new vistas only seen because of the muddy paths I once walked.