How to Defeat All Enemies

It’s that age-old adage: defeat your enemies by making them your friends. My initial reaction to this was a scoff because a person is naturally my enemy when their actions or principles go against everything I believe, which is a good chunk of the US–look who “we” elected! The definition of an enemy goes from a small instance such as the guy in the big pick-up truck cutting me off to make an illegal turn all the way to sociopathic murderous monsters like Hitler–or prescription drug price-setters.

How can I suddenly feel kinship with other humans like this? Especially when they seem so inhuman, opposing my values to an extreme? The answer did not hit me over the head one day in an epiphanic swing of a mallet; it rather eroded layers of me over such a long period of time. I noticed I had settled into the answer some time ago. (Thanks, yoga). I’ve come to know myself as far more brave than I had ever been before because I am willing to “hold space” for others no matter who they are. By “hold space,” I mean offer up a listening of their opinions, perspectives, and habits without needing to put myself in a position of opposition. Lately I’ve tried on listening without replying or acting. If an emotion comes up from something someone says or is doing, I can let the feeling come up, pass, and move on from it.

Yes, I still have a challenging time holding space for those I once labeled as “enemies.” For. Sure. The practice of this, day in and day out, has been the eroding element, so now I find a weird delight in hearing opinions that are different than mine. This world is such a crazy, interesting place! It saddens me, of course, when someone does or says something hurtful to others. Yet, if I resolve to be NOT in opposition, there is space for that person to have a breakthrough of some kind. The biggest challenge is to do this for the most atrocious of crimes.

This space is not to be confused with condoning. I can still put my work in this world to thwart violence with my words and actions. That is me living part of my dharma, or personal purpose of aliveness. Amirite, Arjuna? Combine this with holding an understanding space for “wrongdoers,” even straight up evil, and the cycle of violence self-destructs. The deepest of philosophies assert that all truths are paradoxes: it is into this paradox that we can settle, releasing toil and struggle.

The space that is created allows people to be expressed and in that expression without opposition, explore possibilities. Someone ranting and raving at me may not know that’s what they are doing, though I know that’s what naturally happens. In that space of acceptance, I’m confident humans eventually settle into peace. It takes me to break the cycle of violence by Gandhi-ing the fuck out of an interaction or observation. By my principles, I oppose things like violence, harmful governments, violation of human rights; yet, in bravery I stand knowing these needn’t my reactive arguments to be cured.

In the micro scale: try having an argument with someone, then letting them talk, then saying “while I don’t agree with you 100% right now, I definitely acknowledge how much you care about this subject. You are an inspiration of ____, ____, and ____.” Fill in the blanks with nice things. See what happens. It could dissolve conflict on the spot. It could take the person a few days, months, or years to appreciate the space. It could take several lifetimes. Why not try it out, friends? 

My only enemy right now, though, is hunger. Ending this post to go grab a beer and some falafel and hold space for The Rockets game.